God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize