Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
