3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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