she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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