So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
