he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
