The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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