Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
