So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
