I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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