i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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