that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize