I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
