Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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