I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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