Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
