Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
