i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
