God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Don't EVER smell your tampon
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
