A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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