South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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