cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
