like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
