If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
did i just pee glitter
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up under a house in Key West
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