Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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