It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
operation have a gay friend backfired
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
