i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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