you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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