ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
