Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
