can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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