so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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