his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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