I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my sisters under your porch take her home
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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