We need to rekindle our bromance
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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