Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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