Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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