your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
