I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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