I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
