please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize