im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize