So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
