Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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