I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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