you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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