Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
