he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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