I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
pray to the hookup gods
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
