I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
