you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
