walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
