i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
