As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
