how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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