sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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