I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
no you cant smoke seaweed
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
