Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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