I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
