A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
