non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
