There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize