I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
