I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
