I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
