I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
